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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to discover that an online journalist a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity playing for City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|